I sat and forever am at work here

You’ve probably seen my collection of Gilmore Girls DVDs by now, Rodger. Perhaps you've even borne witness to the show’s greatness. I don’t watch the show much now (at this point, it’s been off-air for about five years), but in college I was in front of the TV every Tuesday from 7:00 – 8:00PM CST, emotionally engaged in the lives of Lorelai and Rory Gilmore. Back then, I had a Gilmore Girls poster hanging on a wall in my room. The Gilmores watched over me as I slept until your mom ripped the poster, “accidentally” she’ll tell you, but I don’t think she’s that maladroit.

I love Chicago; it’s home to me. But small towns have a certain charm. If I had to give only one reason for my Gilmore Girls fanaticism, I’d probably have to say I fell in love with the show because of Stars Hollow. That’s sort of cheating, though. Stars Hollow encapsulates so many different things about the show: the quirky characters, unpredictable events, the importance of community and family, civic pride, etc.

Pundits have pointed to Lauren Graham (annually snubbed at the Emmys, some say) and the fun, fast dialogue as the main reasons for the show’s success, but I think that it was the show’s ability to deftly navigate the two Lorelais back and forth between Stars Hollow and Hartford without the former seeming too silly, and the latter too stuffy. Despite the intrinsic difference between the two locations, Lorelai and Rory never fully compartmentalize them: if there is a set of social rules that they must abide by in either place, they don’t seem to care for them -- at least, not to a point that would trivialize their characters.

This is good considering they are, after all, the heart of the show. Yes, technically Emily is a Gilmore girl and Rory might be “the third Lorelai,” but the show is founded on Lorelai and Rory and the bond they have with one another. It’s as if Lorelai decided early on that she rather be Rory’s best friend instead of her mother, and it actually worked out okay.

Early in season 2, Lorelai ends her engagement with Max and takes Rory on a road trip in an attempt to hold off the emotional pain and inevitable inquisition from family and friends that would follow. They don’t have a plan or a destination, just a jeep, some nuts, and a map they can’t seem to fold. And as much as Rory wants to talk about Lorelai’s break up with Max, Lorelai wants to avoid it.

Lorelai eventually gives, if only a little bit. Rory is persistent, the two fight, and eventually, Lorelai opens up. Rory kisses her mother before she turns to sleep for the night. They feel better in the morning.

Rodger, you, your mom, and I will make many, many decisions in our lives. These decisions will affect us at work, at church, and at home: they will affect our relationships with each other and our relationships with God. As such, it’s important to discuss these things, to be open and honest about them. I’m not saying we need to reveal everything to one another; we are entitled to our privacy. However, I do believe that it’s important to share what is going on in our lives.

How are you doing, Rodger? Are you generally happy? Sad? Angry? Is there something going on in your life that’s dragging you down? Are you finding time for God? You might hear these and similar questions over and over again, for as long as your mom and I live. We’re not trying to pry. And know there is no shame in your honesty; our love for you -- and God's love -- is greater than any shame you might feel. We won't judge you or hate you. We could never hate you.  We just want to make sure our son is in a healthy place, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. 

Rodger, if this is all too much for you to take in right now, just remember this: when you’re heartbroken, your mom and I are heartbroken. When you’re overjoyed, we’re overjoyed. There’s no sense in us experiencing any of that alone.