Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too

Okay, Rodger. Zoolander is a favorite of mine, one of those movies that I would watch every week and randomly quote when among friends. You're half named after Derrick Rose but if you were born ten years ago, there's a good chance you would have been half named after Derek Zoolander instead.

I give the movie a lot of credit: never during my first viewing did I ever question Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson as male models. I'm not dogging their looks, but in retrospect this might be the most unbelievable premise of the film (this is, to remind you, a film that claims JFK was killed by "two lookers" on a grassy knoll).

My top five Zoolander moments:

5. The gasoline fight


You would never see this scene in today's movies; the cost of gas is just way too high. Also, I was surprised that Derek was smart enough to know that lighting that cigarette was a bad idea.

4. "But why male models?"


I don't have any strong feelings for David Duchovny, but his reaction to Zoolander's question the second time around is one of my favorite things of all time. I can't seem to find a clip of that, unfortunately.

3. Magnum


There's so many things to like in this scene but I'll just let the power of Magnum speak for itself.

2. Bulimic


Okay, there's nothing funny about bulimia. But Zoolander's response (and Hansel's expression of awe) were totally unexpected (and hilarious).

1. A center for ants


This whole scene is great: from the sexual tension between Mugatu and Todd, to Mugatu acquiescing to Zoolander's demands for a bigger center. But my favorite part is Stiller's delivery of "a center for ants?"

Zoolander is a lot of things: dumb, conceited, and a wonderful eugooglizer to name a few. He is a product of his extremely messed-up world view but it's hard to hold that against him when he spends most of the film exploring a new one.

This new world view - one in which there is more to life than looking really, really, ridiculously good looking - is prompted by losing out on the Model of the Year award and the death of his dear model friends. It sends him on a journey that ends with him turning left (literally, not politically), leaving the modeling industry, and opening the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too.


Rodger, I'm sure at some point you'll find yourself in a situation similar to Zoolander's at the peak of his modeling career: you'll be comfortable with who you are and your role in life; you'll find success in relationships, school, work, and many other things, too. When you get to that point, I want you to be careful, to be wary: something might come along to change your world view, and it might be incredibly painful.

Unfortunately, sometimes that's what it takes to get our attention. When things are going well, it's easy to cruise through life and forget there are things more important than happiness and success. Don't get me wrong: striving to be happy and successful is not bad. Just realize that no matter how happy and successful you might be, God might call you to something else. There could be something more important out there for you and it might take something tragic for you to realize just what that is. The proper response to God's call may require letting go of some or even all of the things you hold closest to your heart.


Zoolander had to experience failure, lose friends, and be rejected by his family before he figured it out. He let go of his modeling career, his whole lifestyle in order to do something great. I don't know what lies in store for you, but I expect that there will be some suffering, and sacrifices will have to be made before you become the man God created you to be.

Your mother and I pray for you every day, and we ask God to watch over you and protect you from harm. Still, we know that sometimes, suffering is required in life. But know that it's never just suffering, Rodger. I pray that gives you hope, no matter how difficult life can sometimes be.

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